Financial Therapy is a pretty new field, but lately, more and more people are becoming curious about it, including the New York Times. I also recently received a referral from a Financial Advisor who's client specifically requested to speak to a Financial Therapist.
I was recently featured in a New York Times article about Financial Therapy. It was called, “When Getting Money Hurts.” The author interviewed survivors who were receiving settlements because of a traumatic experience. She also interviewed me. We discussed how patients can best heal from an experience that triggers you on a regular basis. They choose me because of my background in counseling, trauma work, and Financial Therapy.
Below is the part of the article where I was quoted. (To read the full article see the link below.)
As a specialist in financial therapy who is based near Atlanta, Kiné Corder encourages clients to deal with the trauma separately. “You know it’s still there when every time the money comes, it breaks your heart a little,” she said. Consulting a professional can help, she added, but it is also important to rewrite your story about what the money means.
“If you just tell yourself, ‘This payment is a reminder of what happened to me,’ then that’s the meaning that’s attached to that payment,” she said. “If you can attach a different meaning to the payment — ‘Every time I receive a payment, I heal a little bit more and a little bit more’ — if you could say that, then that would shift your brain from thinking, ‘I’m so hurt. This terrible thing happened to me,’ to ‘I’m healing.’”
If the money is a result of someone’s death, Ms. Corder suggested using it the way that person would have wanted. Or, if it’s from a traumatic episode, the money might be best used for an experience that brings feelings of joy or power. You might also decide that you’ll give part of it away to help other victims.
“Shift that thinking to, ‘What have I gained now that this chapter of my life is closed?’” Ms. Corder said. “And really close that chapter. I know it sounds like you can’t close the chapter because the money is coming in, but the money is coming in because the chapter is closed.”
Once that stage ends, a new one can begin.
(This article excerpt comes from New York Times, November 16, 2018, By Paulette Perhach, photo by Audra Melton)
As a trauma specialist I suggested treating the trauma separate from the money emotions. I suggested this because trauma is treated one way and emotions may be treated a different way. If we were dealing solely with money history and ones Money Mentality then the 12-step program I teach would be fine. However, it’s important to do individual trauma therapy to clear the pain associated with the experience so that one can separate the pain from the payment.
Each of us has a money mentality that is made up by our money history. This money history is usually set in place very early. This will affect the way you feel about receiving money, but also affect the actions you take with the money. This is true whether you have experienced trauma or not. Trauma could completely change your Money Mentality or escalate it. This is why I believe treating the trauma first is important.
Now, you should also know that as a hypnotherapist I believe that many of our behaviors are governed by past unresolved trauma. No matter how small an incident is, if the brain has not resolved the experience then it is making decisions as if that experience is still happening.
In the case of the subjects in this New York Times article, what they experienced, was not small. It was big and every time they thought about the money they thought about the pain, the incident attached to the money, caused them. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, an accident, medical malpractice, or a civil/criminal lawsuit money doesn’t automatically make the pain go away.
Healing is what makes the pain go away. Calling on a professional that specializes in healing is imperative. One can call on a Financial Therapist for things unrelated to trauma. There is almost always maladaptive money history running in the background. I call this your Money Mentality. If there are past money behaviors that have caused unhappiness or dissatisfaction they need adjusting.
The good thing is getting a lump sum of money can often trigger the need to make change, but that is not always the case. When it is however, it creates and opportunity for the receiver to change their mindset and their life. Receiving a lump sum of money can be life changing...especially if one actually changes.
Whether it’s an inheritance, winning the lottery, retirement, divorce or a traumatic event one’s life is transitioning and life transitions require attention. If you are experiencing a life transition whether monetary, spiritual, or mental, consider consulting a professional to help you navigate that transition.
If you would like to know your Money Mentality take our free money course. Click Here
And take the free money quiz: Click Here
If you would like to schedule a private one-on-one consultation to discuss your specific situation with me by phone or video conference click the link to: Schedule Now
To read full New York Times article, click here.